New research shows the advantages to women of having a smart The smarter the man, the better for your relationship, says new research. The following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart For more dating advice for smart people, consult the Tao of Dating for. Let's face it, intelligence is the hottest new criteria when it comes to dating. Being physically attractive is not enough anymore. More and more people are.
Worry less about offending people, more about having fun. Be comfortable in your own skin. You're a science geek? You love computers, baseball cards, classical music, anime?
You're a horny little devil? People only love us for who you are, not who we pretend to be. I know it's fashionable amidst the smart set to be dissatisfied with yourself and to keep striving for more, bigger, best. However, women will tell you that there's nothing more attractive in a man than self-acceptance which is not the same as complacency.
So start where you are, and keep on growing. When you accept yourself, the world accepts you. Accept the nonlinearity of women and romance. As guys, a lot of what we did in physics and math class was to try to straighten crooked stuff out.
Model it with an equation. Do a linear regression. But you know what? They were all approximations anyway. And most things in life don't follow linear equations - not your breath, not your heartbeat, not your Apple stock, and most certainly not women and romance. So don't come and tell me that women don't make sense to you.
Why Do Smart Guys Have A Tough Time Dating?
Unlike thermodynamics, women are not intuitively obvious. Sometimes she'll come to you when you ignore her and leave when you declare your undying love - deal with it.
Women have curves -- that's why we like 'em. Love is paradoxical and counterintuitive. Realize that and work with it, not against it. Quit trying to buy your way into a woman's favor.
This is how it works in the movies: Of the two dozen reasons I can think for why this protocol sucks, here's one: And bribes don't work! They're given before the desired behavior has ever happened, so she has no incentive to like you. In fact, many times it has the opposite effect: That increases the frequency of that behavior in the future. When you give the positive reinforcer before the desirable behavior, you reinforce nothing.
Why Intelligent Men Have Trouble With Women
So you're increasing the likelihood of getting - nothing. Quit thinking girls should like you because you're smart. A smart guy values smarts above all - and thinks the rest of the world does, too.
But those lugs probably think Hubble is some kind of gum and Perl scripts are oyster recipes! How could she possibly choose them over him? Well, it just doesn't work that way, my friend. A woman will like you based on how you you make her feel. So make her feel stuff - preferably good stuff.
That's the essence of it. Write that down, engrave it on a plaque, tattoo it on your forehead backwards so you'll read it every time you brush your teeth in the morning. It's like, axiomatic, dude. Go get rejected - a lot. Smart people are used to success, not failure. So they're reluctant to risk social rejection. But if you're not getting rejected, that means you're not out exposing yourself to danger, the crucible in which manhood gets forged. So be a man -- get out there and get turned down.
Even if your success rate's a measly 10 percent, after asking a mere 10 women out, you'll have yourself a date.
Fortune favors the bold. Allow yourself to be pursued a little. Evolution decrees that in the Homo sapiens sapiens mating dance, the male pursues and the female is pursued. On the one hand, this makes no sense. Smart people can figure stuff out, right? And this stuff is simple! On the other hand, it makes total sense. For simple things, it takes someone smart to really screw it up. Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when growing up.
Smart kids usually come from smart families. And smart families are usually achievement-oriented. Bring me home those straight As, son. Get into those top colleges, daughter. Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Win every award there is in the book. Of course you should develop those talents.
Why the Smartest People Have the Toughest Time Dating
At the same time, there's an opportunity cost associated with achievement. Time spent studying, doing homework, and practicing the violin is time not spent doing other things -- like chasing boys or girls, which turns out is fairly instrumental in making you a well-rounded human. The upshot of all that achievement is that you get into a top college -- congratulations! Dating is at best another extracurricular, number six or number seven down the list, somewhere between Model UN and intramural badminton.
I've been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided which sounds so much better than "socially awkward," don't you think? All they need is a little tune up, or a little dating textbook like The Tao of Dating for Women or The Tao of Dating for Mento get them going -- plus a little practice.
- How To Attract A Woman
Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate. And if you're frustrated with your love life, you just might try to compensate by working harder and achieving even more to fill that void. Left untreated, this condition can go on for decades. I know people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who still haven't figured out how to create an intimate connection with another human being. It's because they've been going at it the wrong way.
Which brings us to Smart people feel that they're entitled to love because of their achievements. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results. Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.
So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls or boys will like me.
Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid. Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother or sister. It may get you a first date, but it's probably not going to get you a second date. And it certainly won't bring you lasting love and fulfillment.
Why Do Smart Guys Have A Tough Time Dating? | HuffPost Life
Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel. And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.
In other words, you need to earn love or at least lust.
Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment or put-downgiving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy. I wrote a whole page book about that, so that's a story for a different day. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one. At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person. From then on, that was your principal identity: Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she or he was The Pretty One.
Now you could be absolutely stunning in which case you're both smart AND pretty and everyone hates you except for me -- call me, like, immediatelybut your identity is still bound up in being The Smart One. So maybe you dress frumpy and don't pay a lot of attention to your appearance. Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman.
Or your sexual aggression as a male. Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity.Why Intelligent Men Fail With Women
Energy flows between positive and negative electrodes, anode and cathode, magnetic north and south. Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.