Parent-teen relationship destroyers - Focus on the Family
What are some tips for approaching your teenager about who they are dating? . Any overbearing advice or feelings will be met with total defiance or rebellion. Sep 19, Why are today's teens putting off sex, driving, dating and drinking? . Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious. Not every adolescent is out of control, despite the image of the rebellious teen as exactly rebellious behavior, if your teen decides to continue dating someone.
This may include changes in the following self-concepts: Independence is defined as making decisions for one's self and acting on the basis of one's own thought processes, judgment, and decision-making. Part of the developmental process for adolescents is to learn to work out one's own problems independently.
With increasing cognitive and intuitive abilities, adolescents begin to face new responsibilities and to enjoy independent thoughts and actions. Adolescents begin to have thoughts and fantasies about their future and adult life for example, college or job training, work, and marriage.
Identity is defined as a sense of self or self-knowledge about one's characteristics, or personality. One of the fundamental tasks of adolescence is to achieve a sense of a personal identity and a secure sense of self. As an adolescent gains comfort with, and acceptance of, a more mature physical body, learns to use his or her own judgment, learns to make decisions independently, and addresses his or her own problems, he or she begins to develop a concept of himself or herself as an individual, and thus an identity.
Difficulty in developing a clear concept of self or identity occurs when an adolescent is unable to resolve struggles about who he or she is as a physical, sexual, and independent person.
Self-esteem is defined as the feelings one has about one's self.
Self-esteem is determined by answering the question "How much do I like myself? During adolescence, teens become more thoughtful about who they are and who they want to be. They notice differences in the way they act and the way they think they should act.
Once teens start thinking about their actions and characteristics, they are confronted with how they judge themselves. Many adolescents tend to place importance on attractiveness. Constant negativity I have never had a mom tell me, "I want my daughter to be perfect," or had a dad say, "I want to have absolute authority over my son.
But sometimes, despite our good intentions, we can be doing the very things that destroy these relationships. So what are the primary culprits that break our connection with our kids? Here are the four "most wanted" relationship destroyers. Demanding perfection At a recent parenting seminar, I asked each mom and dad to pull out their cell phone and text this question to their teen, "Do you think I expect you to be perfect? About 95 per cent of the teens said they did believe their parents wanted them to be perfect.
As parents, we want great things for our kids. When we place unattainable standards before our kids, we always risk raising expectations so high that our kids just give up. Your teenager might show that he has given up in a few different ways. Some kids will begin to rebel to prove they are in control of their own lives. Others will become hyper-aware of the high standards and turn to drastic measures in order to achieve them like the ballerina who becomes anorexic to increase her chances of being cast in the leading role.
We need to balance between wanting the best for our teens, and setting up expectations that are impossible to reach. Instead, they think that faultlessness is normal.
By admitting your flaws, you give your kid permission to make mistakes and be imperfect, and you allow your teen to connect with you in a deeper way. Having a judgmental attitude This relationship destroyer is sneaky.
Working together to be more effective not only enhances your view of each other; it enhances the competence of your teen. Some parents are so worried by the problems their teen seems to have—that they abdicate their role as partner to be the vigilant parent. When love, support or even concern for a teen bankrupt a marriage, everyone loses. Communication The Language of Teens Anyone who has parented teens knows that communication can get challenging.
If you have raised girls you know that most issues are vocalized as high drama. Asking someone to get off the phone to help with dinner can invite hysteria much less avoidance of the request. If you have raised boys then you are more accustomed to feeling like you are living with a CIA agent. If you ask too much or he reveals too much—he may have to kill you.What Do Teens Think About Their Dating Lives? - Reverse Assumptions
Add the communication of social media in cell phones, emails, texting, etc. The only thing that matters is constant communication—with peers. The Language of Parents In face of this, some parents never stop talking to their teen and others shut down. Another important communication dynamic for parents with teens and with each other is positive communication.
There are some teens and partners who never stop hearing what they are doing wrong. There is no motivation to listen if listening equates to hearing negatives about yourself.
Teens should hear about your lives and even be asked for their advice or opinion.