This Is The Heartbreaking Reality Of Dating While Going Through A Divorce | Thought Catalog
Is The Heartbreaking Reality Of Dating While Going Through A Divorce emotionally-unavailable man still mourning the loss of his first love. If you are dating someone going through a divorce, you may find yourself in a delicate situation filled with questions and new experiences, such. Dating at the best of times can be a complex affair – what with balancing work and pleasure as well as negotiating through torturous terrains of idealistic notions .
Why is he getting a divorce? Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? That is a big plus. Did they try couples counseling?
Dating a man going through a divorce
If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision. If he says phrases like, "I'm not perfect" or "I really tried," take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed.
If his discussion of the divorce is a one hundred percent blaming of his soon-to-be ex-wife, take a step back. It takes two to tango.
If, at the core, the problem with his wife was a drug or alcohol problem, she may be responsible for a big part of the breakup, but he may have developed co-dependent tendencies. This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship. Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, "I'm not crazy, she's the one that's crazy," is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad.
If he flat out does not know what went wrong with the marriage or is evasive, insist he get to the bottom of it with you. You do not want to make a commitment to him and then find out he is likely to keep secrets from you or to check out and be so absent from the relationship that he will be surprised to find out one day that you, like his wife, is no longer there.
Dating a man going through a divorce
Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings.
Find out what you can about the timeline of how and why it ended. Does everything add up? What Do You Think? In his discussions of his divorce, you should be able to see her side of the story at least a little and observe the habits of his that angered her. There are habits that carry serious ramifications and others that are of little to no consequence. If she disapproved of his going to church on Sunday mornings, that tells you she was looking to end things regardless of his commitment.
If she left him because he did not have a job, that is a red flag — does he have a job now? Is his idea of a relationship to be a lazy slug and mooch off his lover? Can you mentally compare how he is now with how you perceive him to have been just a few months or years ago when the marriage crumbled?
Does it sound like he was a heavier drinker then and is now sober or cutting back his drinking? Does he have bouts of anger that might indicate his ex-wife was afraid of him? So before you find yourself drawn into an unhappy situation, make sure you have the facts. Ask your partner if he has actually filed for divorce and not merely seeing a lawyer or checking with his shrink.
Even when your partner seems genuinely committed to getting a divorce, he might back away eventually by deciding to give his marriage another chance or when confronted with the possibility of losing the kids. Get the full story before you start seriously dating a partner who for all legal purposes may not be single at all.
- Dating Someone Going Through a Divorce: 8 Tips
- This Is The Heartbreaking Reality Of Dating While Going Through A Divorce
- Is it Wrong to Date a Man Going Through a Divorce?
Later on you may feel terrible and wrong about having ended up dating a married man even though you may have actually mislead the whole time. Download the guide to winning a man's love, attention and devotion for life.
Know where you stand legally The primary source of moral discomfort about dating a man going through a divorce is because of the ambiguity of his marital position.
According to the law, Filing for divorce is not the same thing as being finally divorced.
It is the initiation of the legal process of divorce or rather the beginning of the end. This in turn means that until the process is through your date and his spouse are still married for all legal purposes.
Thus if you are guided by strict morals, then dating such a man may seem wrong to you since a marriage can declared to be over only when the parties filing for divorce are both restored to the status of single persons at the completion of the divorce process. What complicates things further is that different states in a country may have different laws governing marriage and divorce.
For instance in California, there is a process called bifurcation which allows partners to be restored to the status of single persons within six months of filing for divorce. This is so that one can get back to a normal social life while the legal process of divorce follows its own course. So before you start taking seriously the new person in your life, check with him about the legal implications since this might have a bearing on his single status and your feelings of being right or wrong in dating him.
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